then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We got so high we made milksteak
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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