I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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