She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
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