Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Randomize