There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My pussy is not your playground.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
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Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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