ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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