my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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