I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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