Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sorry about my life...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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