just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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