Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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