what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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