You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
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there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
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Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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