Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
As shirtless as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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