dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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