OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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