A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
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her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize