My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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