Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
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He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
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All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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