Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize