I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize