Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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