I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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