I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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