I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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