someone threw a dead crab at me
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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