Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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