I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize