I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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