I think I died a long time ago.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize