At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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