sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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