He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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