jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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