and next time when you feel me up, do it right
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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