Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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