having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
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You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
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I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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