I cockslap morals
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
smell my finger.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
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Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
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I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize