Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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