I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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