after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
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Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
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HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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