You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
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Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
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He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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