why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize