Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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