Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
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He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
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Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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