THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
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Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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