Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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