i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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