I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
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She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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