you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize